Me and the Mrs. was getting ready for bed. I’m sure all of you know that we live on my Houseboat here on Pickwick Lake. Its a great place to live . As usual we gave each other the usual peck on the lips as a kiss goodnight. I mean after being married for 45 years, thats the the way of the world.

Mildred said to me that I used to hold her hand when we were courting. So I grabbed her hand and then again tried to get some sleep. A minute or two later she said to me that when we were younger that I would kiss her with some meaning. I was getting a little irritated because I had to get up early and take a couple green horn city dudes out on the lake fishing. Well, I leaned over and gave her a soft, longer than usual kiss.

It wasn’t thirty seconds after I nestled back into my pillow that she said to me that I used to cuddle up close and bite her neck. This time I was getting a bit miffed and I angrily threw back the covers and got out of bed. She asked me where I was going? I told her in a stern voice, "To the bathroom to get my teeth"

Mudcat 

My growed up boys Halftrack and Knucklehead are always in trouble. They have good jobs but they like to have fun. Both boys work for a septic tank cleaning outfit over there in Chewalla. When they get a little free time they try to occupy it using good common sense. One day they were taking a couple hour breather from work and decided to shoot off some fireworks. Well, a couple of them rockets landed in a guys barn. It burnt straight to the ground. The other problem is that it was filled with drying tobacco. It was the farmer’s entire crop. It was valued at a total of $435,000 dollars.

With me being a well known fishing guide at the Pickwick Lake, the authorities decided to reduce the bond so I could get them out of jail. So yesterday we went to court and I listened to what our lawyer said. He told us that he thought if we bribed the judge that it might be possible to get the boys off the hook.

The problem with this is, the other lawyer representing the tobacco farmer had got wind of this and he was also bribing the judge. We gave the judge $15,000 dollars and the other gave the judge $10,000 dollars. When we were in the courtroom, the judge took the lawyers in his chambers and handed a $5000 dollar check back to our attorney. He said that he was returning the $5,000 dollars and that they were going to decide the case solely on its merits.

The trial is now over and both Halftrack and Knucklehead were found guilty. They have to do community service for the next fifty years. They have to clean the portable commodes at the County Fair for the next 50 fairs. I think the judge didn’t want them in jail. They would be more trouble in prison than out.

I told the boys that they were lucky to be free and they got off real fair like. Sorry for the play on words. Made myself laugh. Well, anyways I told my boys that they were very lucky to find an honest upstandin’ judge. They both agreed.

More later next week. I just saw one of the boys headin’ off to the boat house with some matches and neither smokes. See ya’…gotta go.

Mudcat Mahoney

My name is J.Mudcat Mahoney and I have been a fishin’guru now for going on 48 years. I have a lot of memories and great moments that I want to tell you about. These boys here at this magazine want me to spill my guts for all of you in the Pickwick area. I agreed to the whole thing and I hope you enjoy some of these funny and not-so-funny shenanigans that have happened to me over the years. It was early in August and these two boys from Nashville were visiting our beautiful area. We fished for a while from a boat along the banks and were doing quite well and they asked if we could move to another area. So John Ed, and Bob Robert had been sitting for hours on the rocks below the spillway fishing. Suddenly John sat up, rubbed his butt, and announced that his butt had gone to sleep. Bob Robert said that it was no big surprise, as it had been snoring for some time. Made me laugh so hard, I spit tobacco all over my new fishin’ vest. That’s it for now and I’ll have more for you reel, no that’s real soon. Mudcat

Well, another great day of fishin’ on the lake. So much fun in one day should be against the law. Me and my boys, Knucklehead and Halftrack, fished our hearts out and I can tell you we will be eatin’ good tonight. Being an old fishing guide out there on Pickwick, I sure know the certain places to go and in what time of year. Anyways, we finished the day with a couple stringers full.

We were drivin’ back home and had this flat tire. Knucklehead said that we probably could have made it home because the tire was only flat on the bottom. He’s a couple points higher than halftrack, on the IQ test that they give these young folks.

Well, anyways, we had this flat in front of that Monastary. The head Monk came out and invited us all in for some food and shelter. It was really a cold day and now it was raining pretty good. So we went in and were glad to be there.

After a delicious meal of fish and chips, I spoke up and asked the cook if he was the FISH FRIAR and chuckled. He spoke up and chuckled, ” No, I’m the CHIP MONK.

Mudcat